oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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