the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
