DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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