Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
