I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
