So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
