There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
