You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
