just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
