I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
