He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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