Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
