i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
this just has baby written all over it
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
