I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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