he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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