when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
