From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
