So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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