I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
