dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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