Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
