this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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