oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
