I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
