i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
