I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
