i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
