I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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