I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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