If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Randomize
