the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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