he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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