Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
