My hand turned me down
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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