Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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