JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
