no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize