He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
This baby is an asshole
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
