I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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