why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
