We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
