You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
