I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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