You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
