Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I have already put on my inside pants.
COCAINE IS GR8
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
