Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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