So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
