I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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