I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
whose parrot is this?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
