I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
