i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I want her autograph on my taint
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
