so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
