Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
