i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
