I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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