so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
