you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
