I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
