You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
