wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
