But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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