Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
