omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
