So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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