just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
