my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
