just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
