Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
