nutella sex= disaster
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
