It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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