Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Randomize
