glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
